I am all alone.
And I am afraid to commit any mistakes further, for a single mistake turns oneself black. Gaping for the pure soul, which is hidden beneath somewhere. Sometimes I cling to my Quran, eager to refresh back all the hecticness and blankness I have endured all these while because of my curiosity to learn about everything. Till it hampered my study.
I struggle for the light. The light, I think, has been reached. But I can't escape and let the roots of evil from reaching my hands and legs.
The struggle to fight against the nafs is real, real hard to explain.
Below is the message, which tears my heart apart. I think I am unable to face any loss again. No. But I have to accept, for I know, Allah wants me to be better. If I ain't exposed to such tests, I won't be a full shaped Muslim.
"Makan je ubat, cuma sekarang ni makin sakit,"
"Jaga diri elok elok tau"
Sigh. Sometimes I wonder how many lives will be taken to remind me that the world is temporary, don't enjoy too much, remember my responsibility here, I am a daie. Daie can't follow his nafs. Plus I don't know how much time is left for me.
And, no, those posts above aren't written by me. It's by someone else. That words hit me so much that it keeps reminding about loss. When my life is already fully written with loss there and here.
And I am afraid to commit any mistakes further, for a single mistake turns oneself black. Gaping for the pure soul, which is hidden beneath somewhere. Sometimes I cling to my Quran, eager to refresh back all the hecticness and blankness I have endured all these while because of my curiosity to learn about everything. Till it hampered my study.
I struggle for the light. The light, I think, has been reached. But I can't escape and let the roots of evil from reaching my hands and legs.
The struggle to fight against the nafs is real, real hard to explain.
Below is the message, which tears my heart apart. I think I am unable to face any loss again. No. But I have to accept, for I know, Allah wants me to be better. If I ain't exposed to such tests, I won't be a full shaped Muslim.
"Makan je ubat, cuma sekarang ni makin sakit,"
"Jaga diri elok elok tau"
Sigh. Sometimes I wonder how many lives will be taken to remind me that the world is temporary, don't enjoy too much, remember my responsibility here, I am a daie. Daie can't follow his nafs. Plus I don't know how much time is left for me.
And, no, those posts above aren't written by me. It's by someone else. That words hit me so much that it keeps reminding about loss. When my life is already fully written with loss there and here.
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